Post by carmen on Nov 20, 2006 6:41:32 GMT
Hey guys. I'm not a very good artist, but I like to write things in my spare time. This is a story I'm working on right now and I'd like your guy's feedback on it. This is only Chapter one, becauseit's still in the making. Please enjoy.
Chapter 1 – The Escape
Mari’s green eyes stared into the eyes of her cruel father. Her hatred consumed her pain as the whip lashed her at her back.
“What did I do to deserve this?” She screamed, the punisher hitting her harder. She knew she could not scream; Screaming would show weakness.
After her long hard punishment, Mari sat, knees on the floor, in her cell shivering. Her blond hair was in front of her green eyes. It was dirty and messy, because it hadn’t been cleaned in days. Blood leaked from her fresh cuts on her back.
Mari raised her head and saw that her father and the punisher had left her alone. She looked around the musty old cell. There were no windows and her only light was from the torch outside her bars. So many days, maybe months, of looking through those bars and hoping for some stranger to come kill her.
Mari then brushed her dirty hair away from her face and fell sideways on the floor, shivering in fear and cold. Then, in this hell which she used to home, she slept.
Mari awoke when she felt a sharp pain in her side. She quickly opened her eyes and retreated to a corner of her cell. One of the Fort’s guards had awoken her with his spear. He pulled it out of the bars as she had crept back.
“There’s a guest for you in the Garden,” He then opened the bars and beckoned Mari forwards. Then he opened another door that lead to a long dark hallway.
Mari cautiously stood up, thinking it was a trick. No prisoners were allowed to see visitors. She followed the guard slowly until he had to yell at her.
“Do you want to go or not?” He yelled impatiently. Mari briskly walked into the hallway. Then she realized that it was familiar.
She saw the memory of a little girl running through this hallway. The memory disappeared after she watched it giggle and walk through a closed door.
Then she saw an open door at the end of the dark. Like the light at the end of a tunnel, Mari ran towards the light. Then she burst forth into a world full of green.
Mari covered her eyes from the sun and continued to walk, her feet still on the cobblestone path. She uncovered her eyes and saw the beautiful garden full of memories. She saw her younger self, running through the garden, her bond hair shining in the sun. She saw her father, before he was cruelly turned evil. This was the only place in Fort Blagden that there were good memories. Everywhere else was a torture chamber.
Mari followed her younger self to the center of the garden; to the fountain. Sitting at the edge of the fountain, with a black cat at his side, sat a young man with light brown hair. His head was in his hands and he seemed to be concentrating. Then the black cat looked up and he did too.
“M-Mari?” he said, astonished. “Peter,” Mari smiled back. Peter stood up as Mari ran and threw herself into his arms. She let him feel the cuts on her back and heard him gasp. He was about to say something when Mari cut him off.
“Don’t speak,” She said, smiling. Tears of happiness flowed down her cheeks as she looked up into his deep blue eyes and strong happy face. “I’ll be alright now that you’ve returned for me,”
Peter looked down at Mari, his eyes dancing with sadness. “I couldn’t live without you Mari. You’re my soul mate; the only one for me,” Then he fiercely kissed her and Mari felt as though she could float to the clouds.
Her life had changed in seconds. She had gone from sitting in her cell to snuggling in her lover’s arms. She loved Peter mare than anything in the world.
“How long has it been Peter?” She asked, for she hadn’t known the time or day while she’d lived in her cell. Peter looked at the ground and said,
“A year,” Mari stood back astonished. “I’m sorry, but your father would’ve killed me if I came close,” Mari then sank back into her lovers arms.
“Oh Peter,” she said. “You must take me away. I need to see the world again,” She began crying again. She longed for the outer world. A world beyond her cell door.
“Then I will take you. We will escape from your father’s wrath.” Peter said confidently. “We’ll go right now and I’ll sneak past the guards.” Then he looked around the fountain.
“Kye says the way is clear,” He mentioned, indicating the black cat that sat nearby. Mari nodded and Peter led her from her father’s happy garden. She took one last glance of her childhood before following her lover back into the Fort.
I'll post Chapter two soon
Chapter 1 – The Escape
Mari’s green eyes stared into the eyes of her cruel father. Her hatred consumed her pain as the whip lashed her at her back.
“What did I do to deserve this?” She screamed, the punisher hitting her harder. She knew she could not scream; Screaming would show weakness.
After her long hard punishment, Mari sat, knees on the floor, in her cell shivering. Her blond hair was in front of her green eyes. It was dirty and messy, because it hadn’t been cleaned in days. Blood leaked from her fresh cuts on her back.
Mari raised her head and saw that her father and the punisher had left her alone. She looked around the musty old cell. There were no windows and her only light was from the torch outside her bars. So many days, maybe months, of looking through those bars and hoping for some stranger to come kill her.
Mari then brushed her dirty hair away from her face and fell sideways on the floor, shivering in fear and cold. Then, in this hell which she used to home, she slept.
Mari awoke when she felt a sharp pain in her side. She quickly opened her eyes and retreated to a corner of her cell. One of the Fort’s guards had awoken her with his spear. He pulled it out of the bars as she had crept back.
“There’s a guest for you in the Garden,” He then opened the bars and beckoned Mari forwards. Then he opened another door that lead to a long dark hallway.
Mari cautiously stood up, thinking it was a trick. No prisoners were allowed to see visitors. She followed the guard slowly until he had to yell at her.
“Do you want to go or not?” He yelled impatiently. Mari briskly walked into the hallway. Then she realized that it was familiar.
She saw the memory of a little girl running through this hallway. The memory disappeared after she watched it giggle and walk through a closed door.
Then she saw an open door at the end of the dark. Like the light at the end of a tunnel, Mari ran towards the light. Then she burst forth into a world full of green.
Mari covered her eyes from the sun and continued to walk, her feet still on the cobblestone path. She uncovered her eyes and saw the beautiful garden full of memories. She saw her younger self, running through the garden, her bond hair shining in the sun. She saw her father, before he was cruelly turned evil. This was the only place in Fort Blagden that there were good memories. Everywhere else was a torture chamber.
Mari followed her younger self to the center of the garden; to the fountain. Sitting at the edge of the fountain, with a black cat at his side, sat a young man with light brown hair. His head was in his hands and he seemed to be concentrating. Then the black cat looked up and he did too.
“M-Mari?” he said, astonished. “Peter,” Mari smiled back. Peter stood up as Mari ran and threw herself into his arms. She let him feel the cuts on her back and heard him gasp. He was about to say something when Mari cut him off.
“Don’t speak,” She said, smiling. Tears of happiness flowed down her cheeks as she looked up into his deep blue eyes and strong happy face. “I’ll be alright now that you’ve returned for me,”
Peter looked down at Mari, his eyes dancing with sadness. “I couldn’t live without you Mari. You’re my soul mate; the only one for me,” Then he fiercely kissed her and Mari felt as though she could float to the clouds.
Her life had changed in seconds. She had gone from sitting in her cell to snuggling in her lover’s arms. She loved Peter mare than anything in the world.
“How long has it been Peter?” She asked, for she hadn’t known the time or day while she’d lived in her cell. Peter looked at the ground and said,
“A year,” Mari stood back astonished. “I’m sorry, but your father would’ve killed me if I came close,” Mari then sank back into her lovers arms.
“Oh Peter,” she said. “You must take me away. I need to see the world again,” She began crying again. She longed for the outer world. A world beyond her cell door.
“Then I will take you. We will escape from your father’s wrath.” Peter said confidently. “We’ll go right now and I’ll sneak past the guards.” Then he looked around the fountain.
“Kye says the way is clear,” He mentioned, indicating the black cat that sat nearby. Mari nodded and Peter led her from her father’s happy garden. She took one last glance of her childhood before following her lover back into the Fort.
I'll post Chapter two soon